Day something else: In which I learn a valuable lesson

(This was written two Saturdays ago. I got distracted before finishing and never posted it. Also, counting days is surprisingly hard.)

Today is a great milestone, my friends. A day I shall remember for all time, or at least until I'm done with this half-marathon. Today, I became a man. Or woman. Again. I think my bat mitzvah was supposed to be the first time I became a woman, but I'm not sure if God approved of my motives (party!) enough for that. The point is: Today, I learned what running is.

Let me back up, slowly. Beeeeep. Beeeeep. Beeeep. Thursday night, I had a crazy idea. I would set my alarm clock to 5:00, get out of bed at 5:30, and get in some of what I thought was running before work. Since the actual Boston half-marathon is going to start at some ungodly hour like 6:00, and I have never woken up early for exercise, or anything else, in my life, I wanted to start preparing myself for that hurdle. It had also been so long since I had run for more than ten minutes or without giving up in disgust that I figured I could use a jolt like that to get back in the game. So what did I do? I took some Tynelol PM around 9:30 and got in bed, waiting for it to kick in.

People who have lived with me or know my sleeping habits or have taken Tylenol PM before are probably having a hearty chuckle over the idea that the above steps would lead to me waking up at 5:30, and further, waking up alert enough to move my muscles with any degree of coordination. Yeah, it did not happen. Thankfully, I had set some back-up alarms, and managed to get up and to the windowed door of my apartment building by 7:20 AM. As I looked through it, and saw the drizzly, overcast weather, I pondered if I should head back upstairs for a hooded jacket, or a non-white shirt, or maybe a nap. A nap sounded nice. But no! I had to be strong. Brave that weather like a woman and stop wasting precious time! (Translation: I didn't want to walk back up the stairs, and my keys were tied into my shoelaces, and it's sooo annoying to untie them, unlock the door, and then tie them back in.)

Due to my shortened timeframe, I skipped stretching and eating and warming up. In other words: everything that I need to actually run. Result: I did my alluring "hopping in pain" mating dance for 15 minutes, then came home.

That's OK, I thought. That was just a warm-up. I'll work out after work.

I went to a movie after work, and forced myself to go home around midnight. I NEEDED to make the next day's group training. It's been two months or so, and I haven't been able to attend any of them, due to sickness, travel, laziness, etc. I woke up at 7 on Saturday, caught the group right as they were leaving the meeting point, and commenced with the training.

It started with a giant circle of stretching, after which we did an "easy jog" over to the base of a hill that we were supposed to run up and down for half an hour. During that "easy jog," I quickly became out of breath and could feel the lava begin trickling up my squeaky wheel of a right shin. This did not give me hope for being able to run up the most challenging hill in Central Park (Cat's Paw, for anyone who knows the park). Six times.

Our coach, Jay, gave us advice on how to stretch out our legs if our shins hurt afterward. Afterward? I was too ashamed of my bum leg to tell him that my shins already hurt. We started on another group "easy jog" to the top of the hill so we could see where to turn around, and all I will say is that I did not enjoy it. When I was at the top, the pain had become so unbearable that I asked Jay what to do about my shins. (If you're getting sick of seeing the word "shins," be patient. It will all be over soon.)

When we got to the bottom of The Paw, Jay asked me how I run, trying to see whether I land on my heels and take big strides or take short steps and land on the balls of my feet. Turns out that my version of running, which is taking a normal walking stride and making it longer and quicker, is not running. It is also solely responsible for my cartoonish shin pain. He advised me to start taking short steps that land on the balls of my feet, bounce off of my heels, and then go off of the balls again.

This was like AP Calculus to my 11th grade self, except more frustrating. I knew I could understand calculus if I tried a little harder, it's just that it seemed too boring to put in the effort. With the running, I actually wanted to learn, but watching Jay's feet and trying to translate that into movements of my own was ridiculously hard. I was instructed to focus not on speed for now, but on getting my feet to land correctly. I slowly trudged up the hill behind the rest of the group, wondering why this was so hard, and how come nobody ever told me about this mysterious "proper running technique" before.

By the end of the sixth hill repetition, I was a convert. My legs were sore, but my shins were pain-free! I hope you realize how much of an achievement that is, after seeing how my shin splints take up half of every post I write. And this was after running up a fairly steep hill, which would normally make it worse. I thought the only way to get around them was to warm up by walking fast for 20 minutes, which is simply not feasible for most work-outs, and definitely not for right before I have to go run 13.1 miles. Then I make one change and a miracle occurs.

The one small sticking point was that I still didn't understand how my new stride was natural. Jay tried to explain it a little more to me, and then he asked me what I did when told to run in place. I bounce up and down on the balls of my feet, right? Well, that's what running is. Right then, I became not just a convert, but an evangelical. I've already told a couple of friends about this, and one of them tried it out and his shin splints were gone!

Running is running in place, minus the "in part" part. It's like Running for Dummies. And it only took me two months to find out.

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Hey, I'm not going this for my health! Well, I sort of am, but I'm also doing it to help find a cure for Crohn's and colitis. Please donate and help me get to Boston to complete my journey!